


Thoughts of the Warden

by Ghostly_Jack



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Blood and Battles, If I forget any tags please tell me, Kain had a puppy crush on Morrigan and she turn him down hard., Kain is a sunshine boy, M/M, PTSD, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-27 21:10:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21398695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghostly_Jack/pseuds/Ghostly_Jack
Summary: A series of short snip-its from prompts that are used to expand the character of Warden Kain Mahariel and his time before, during, and after the 5th Blight.
Relationships: Kain Mahariel/ Tamlen, Kain Mahariel/Zevran Arainai, Male Mahariel/Tamlen, Zevran Arainai/Male Mahariel, slight Male Mahariel/Morrigan
Kudos: 6





	1. Sleep

The tent was warm, the blanket that covered himself and Zevran was warm, and if those didn’t help, the very warm man laying behind him was warm enough. Yet he couldn’t sleep. If it wasn’t the nightmares it was his own thoughts thinking of what he could have done or should have done in the many choices he had to make.

The rest of the camp was asleep, save for maybe Shale, but everyone else he could either hear snoring or couldn’t hear them at all. So why was he awake? Kain by all accounts should be dead asleep, Creators knew he was exhausted. It had been a hard battle but they had managed to save Redcliff and were on their way to Denirum to meet some Brother about the Urn of Ashes. Leliana would probably scold him for not knowing the full title of the relic, but it wasn’t his god or chantry, so it didn’t seem that important to remember the name. He…they needed it so that the Arl could live and they could get the support of the armies that he controlled. That ever present list of tasks to be done came crashing back to the front of his mind and all hope of sleep was gone.

He checked that Zevran was sound asleep before carefully wiggling his way out of the loose hold on him and finding his shirt among the rest of his armor that had just been shoved in the corner. After slipping the loose tunic back over his head he walked out of the tent as he put the rest of it on, wincing as the dull throb of a healing side wound reminded him of just how beat up he had gotten.

“Restless dreams my dear?”

To Kain’s surprise, Wynne sat by the fire, a book in her hands and one of the bottles of water she always seemed to have on hand.

“I would have had to have been asleep to have dreams. May I join you?”

“Oh course, come, and make yourself comfortable.”

He mumbled a quiet thanks and sat down next to her by the fire leaning back against the log. They sat there quiet for a few moments, Kain looking up at the stars that seemed to be moving around the sky, blinking in some code he couldn’t understand, and Wynne reading her book, the sound pages turning added to the crackling of the fire pit.

“My dear boy, you’re making it rather hard to read with your mind being so loud.”

“I was not aware you could read minds now.” He regretted the snarky comment as soon as it was said but to his surprise, Wynne only chuckled.

“I can’t read minds, but I have been around children long enough to know when something bothers them. A matter in reading the body language. You have a habit of almost holding your breath and clenching your jaw. You also trace small patterns onto your leg with your left hand when you’re able to just sit and think.” Kain hadn’t even realized he’d been doing that. “Care to share what is troubling you so much?”

“I…” Kain sighed deeply. “I honestly don’t know where to start. The huge list of tasks that have to be completed, or my personal thoughts, or the thoughts of the others in the camp?”

“You. Kain I am concerned about you, I know what must be done and know how to help the others, but you, for your beautiful sunshine attitude, do not actually share many personal thoughts and concerns with us.”

Kain looked over at his companion, she reminded him much Ashalle, a strong woman and one who didn’t tolerate much foul behavior, but also very caring. Sighing in defeat he sat up some and stared into the fire. “Again, I don’t know where to start.”

“What is the first thing you think of when you shut your eyes?”

“Those walking corpses. I know I have fought ogres and dark spawn and demons, but…those don’t bother me as much as they did. Those don’t remind me of home and what lead me to be a Warden.”

“I see. I can only assume that you and your friend had come across corpses in the same cave you found the mirror in.”

“The giant spiders, though gross and horrifying, were nothing. We Dalish move around all the time so they were a familiar enemy. I should have gotten Tamlen to go back to the Keeper when we came across the undead, but he wouldn’t listen. When Duncan found me I was outside the cave, away from the mirror. I can only think of two ways I got there.”

“Either you walked out of the cave yourself…”

“Or Tamlen dragged me out. The Keeper said I was feverish and incoherent, so I have high doubts that I made it out of there on my own. If Tamlen did drag me out of there, gods know what he faced and saw… On top of that, those at Redcliff were people. Not some person who had died ages ago and stuck in a cave temple, but people from the castle, from the village. I hate to think that their faces might have been recognizable to some of the people who fought with us. If I had seen Tamlen, or someone else I knew, I’m not sure I would be able to fight them.”

“You have a good heart my boy. Always putting others before yourself, but take some time to process this. I still see the faces of the students I helped raise and teach from the circle, and with all my years I also find myself seeing their faces at night.”

“Is that why you are up reading?”

“Yes. That and the stench on your hound. He reeks again.”

Kain smiled. “Maybe when we come across a river again you can bathe him, if we are stopping for the night.”

“I just might. I should force Alistair into the bath as well. He reeks almost as bad as your hound.”

Kain laughed, they both did and soon the air of pain that had been around them both had melted away and they were just to friends, laughing at the silliness of their other friend. Wynne went back to reading her book and Kain returned to staring up at the sky. Not long after his eyes grew heavy and he felt as if a blanket had been laid over him. He drifted off into a blissful dreamless sleep.


	2. Ashes

The Gauntlet was brutal. He had to face spirits belonging to a religion not his own and answer their riddles, fight projections of himself and his companions. Seeing Zevran fall was hard, even if it wasn’t the real one. The thought that it could happen, by the Crows or dark spawn was not a pleasant thought. Neither was the final blow he had gotten on the Morrigan. She had broken his heart, this should be a little satisfying, at least that’s what tales would have him believe, but it wasn’t. To see her fall as well, by his own blade was a sight he wouldn’t soon forget. Zevran had taken care of Kain’s projection and Alistair had taken care of himself. That can’t be good for one’s mental state, but the trials had to be done, and he was going to finish this even if it snapped his mind.

That’s what he had told himself before he saw what stood on the other side of the door way. The Guardian had asked about Tamlen and Kain’s regret at letting Tamlen die. That had stung, he’d be lying to himself if he said it didn’t bring the pin prick of tears feeling, but he had answered honestly and entered the test, pushing thoughts from his mind readying for battle after battle. He had not expected one of these tests to come face to face with his biggest regret.

There stood Tamlen. Alive. Uninjured. For a moment Kain thought that maybe he had survived somehow and had been brought by this Guardian to keep him safe and alive. He couldn’t move. His feet were frozen in place, he was sure his knuckles had turned pale with his grip so hard on his daggers. His throat was dry and his heart beat so quick he could hear it.

“Mi amor? What is wrong?” Zevran said from his side glancing between the warden and the figure on the other side of the door.

“Yes should we not continue this silly game? Tis but one man. He would be easy to defeat.” Morrigan’s comment sent a small arrow of anger through him, but it quickly died in the ice that filled his blood.

It wasn’t until a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder did he move. Kain looked to see Alistair who was looking at him, not with confusion or irritation, but with understanding and a bit of sympathy.

“Is that..”

His voice, though he tried to make it sound as confident as he normally was, was a broken whisper. “That’s Tamlen.”

At the mention of his name the figure turned around and smiled at Kain. It was so real, this had to be the real Tamlen. No one else had that smile. Kain, with a little guiding push from Alistair, walked through the door and was just maybe a foot from Tamlen.

“It’s so cold here brother. The chill eats at my bones.”

“I don’t feel that cold.”

“Don’t you? You seem unwilling to come close. Are you afraid of me? You think: ‘This cannot be Tamlen. Tamlen is gone, he is only footsteps in the dust.’ I am Tamen, and yet I am not. I am part of the Gauntlet and part of you.”

That bit of hope he had of this being Tamlen, HIS Tamlen was gone now. This was another test, another way to break him perhaps.

“Yes. I know Tamlen will never come back.”

“Those that survive must go on living. You have suffered enough, thinking you could have done something. It is time to leave that behind.” The Tamlen handed him something, a necklace. “Take this. It is nothing compared to the crafts of our fathers, but it should serve you well. I wish you well, Lethallin…We will not meet again.”

The Tamlen vanished and Kain reached out to grab his arm with a shout of ‘wait!’, but it was already too late. Tamlen was gone, again. He didn’t know how the others reacted to his shout, his desperate grab for his lost love, and he didn’t care. He looked at the necklace and saw it was but a simple silver pendant with runes meaning it was charmed, but it held warmth. A gentle warmth like when they would of held hands as they wandered the forest, looking for trouble and secrets. Around his neck was already the locket, his Wardens Oath, and he couldn’t shed that, nothing could make him get rid of that. He was a Warden…but this was something, though not the real one, from Tamlen. A sort of forgiveness. He took off the chain that held the Oath and slid the charmed pendant on next to the locket. It looked weird and strange having a shem made craft next to one that shouted Dalish, but he didn’t care. His body had gone numb and uncaring. Putting the chain back on Kain tucked it under his armor and shirt as he walked to the other side of the room, not caring if the others fallowed him or not.

He was going to finish the gauntlet, he had to as a Warden, but that wasn’t going to stop him from keeping Tamlen close to his heart. Dark spawn and cursed mirrors and shem religious bullshit be damned. He was Kain Mahariel, and he was going to finish this damned Gauntlet.


End file.
